This Ancient City

Just when it seemed I had endured a season without a noteworthy bug bite…strong tropical winds may have sent a monster mosquito my unsuspecting way.

As a New York kiddo, I’d sometimes get these awful reactions on my elbows, arms and ankles to certain bites. They’d swell up like mounds with a red point as their summit. Even when I’d share a bed with my parents on Florida vacations, they’d wake up bite-free, while I’d be covered in itchy, inflamed bumps. When I was 15, a Broward County ER evaluated me for a legendary lesion courtesy of a tropical insect. The thought back then was I’d eventually have to start carrying an EpiPen. That never did come to pass.

Life’s ironic, dark humor abounds if we are willing to look for it. I’ve had a good run this year with no memorable bites. Florida’s heat dome Summer is now officially over, though it casts a long enough shadow (ironic darkness, enter stage right). St. Augustine seems to experience the bulk of its named storm activity in autumn. As I write this, the aftermath of Helene has shocked the southeast - even in Appalachia hundreds of miles from coastline at an elevation that makes hurricanes a non-starter. Yet here we sit, hearts heavy - checking on loved ones struck by this once in a century catastrophe.

I have to wonder if Helene didn’t blow in an unwelcome guest in the form of a mosquito - heavy with the blood of unsuspecting victims. A night or two after Helene passed through Florida, I was sitting in the dim light of my TV on a loveseat when a blimp-like mass floated around in my periphery. I rose to my feet to inspect the couch, hoping to clap the buzzer out of existence. Never did find it, though. There are two spray cans of non-toxic bug repellant within reach around the house. More on that later.

I’m a side sleeper. When I went to bed that night, my left ear would burn and itch like crazy if I’d rest it on my pillow. In my drowsy state, I remember scratching it over and over before finally switching sides in search of relief. After falling asleep for a spell, an unnerving, familiar buzz in my ear stirred me awake. It would easily chart in the red zone of a decibel meter. I sat up, turned on my salt lamp, and realized my arms had been bitten multiple times. That thing followed me into my room! My door was closed! What in the world?! I could learn from the tenacity of that stealthy foe on the hunt.

In my midnight stupor, I made my way to the closest can of bug spray that kills on contact. This one contained rosemary oil. I sprayed it in the corners of my room - focusing on the areas near my bed post. I even sprayed the entryway of my room because…I dunno…maybe it would kill the mosquito on contact if it happened to fly through the mist?? Turns out it basically spits out gobs of an oil blend more than it dusts out a light aerosol. Then, I went for the stuff that is made to spray on your skin. Covered both my arms with it. Had to grab that from a hutch near the dining room. While I was at it, I turned on the electric bug zapper in my kitchen. Its seductive light beamed all through the adjoining rooms.

Seemed like a good time to head back to bed. Every square foot of my floor is tile. Right as I stepped into my room, I had a near miss that almost planted me flat on the floor. The bug spray turned my room’s entryway into a shiny bowling lane. The slickness was real. Thankfully, I caught myself quickly enough to remain upright. Learned my lesson though…decided to put a towel down (:

I just had to pause to scratch my left ear, pardon me

For the next 48 hours, I watched my left ear morph into some mutant version of its original self. It took on a new, shiny reddish shape…quite asymmetrical when compared to my intact right ear. An awkward course of hydrocortisone ointment and overnight hydrocolloid application are slowly calming it down.

…

You’ll be glad to know that the day after this all went down, I heard an acute POP come from the kitchen. Loud enough to make me flinch. A smirk stretched across my face. Time to investigate. In the tray below the ever beaming blue light laid none other than the buzzing blimp from the prior night.

Et tu, Skeeter?